Once I wrote a short story. It really happened, but I pretended like I’d made it up. Then I took a nonfiction class and rewrote it as the truth. It’s about my high school boyfriend and me having sex and what happened afterwards.
When I read it to my husband he said, "You're not going to submit that to The Sun, are you? I mean, a story about you having sex? Do people do that?"
Besides suggesting that he branch out from American History and read some memoir and autobiography, what should I say to him about how I'm going to write my truths and try to share them with the world?
– Creative Exhibitionist
Dear Creative,
The answer to your husband's question is, "Yes, sweetheart. People write about sex all the time."
Of course, you and I know he didn't ask you his real question. Maybe he wonders why you’re thinking about the old boyfriend. Maybe he's afraid your essay isn’t ready for publication and doesn’t want to say so. Maybe he's afraid it will be published to great acclaim and your marriage will somehow be undone by your success.
What I think he's asking is, "Where does the nakedness end? Are you going to expose me?"
A fair question. But let's be clear: it's not, you can't let it be, a question about writing. Nobody and nothing but your own heart can tell you what to write, as I hope your husband knows -- and if he doesn't, you should find a kind but clear way to tell him. As a student of history, surely he'll appreciate your fascination with your past and how it's made you who you are.
I think this is a question about publishing. What happens when sharing your truths means exposing the truths of others?
I have friends who’ve written exquisite books they would not have dared to publish during the lifetimes of certain family members. Others take a more I’m-a-writer-first approach. (Remember the Joni Mitchell line, "Will you take me as I am?" Meaning, "even when I write sad confessional songs about you?") I don't know what your priorities are, Creative. All I know is, when you publish – anything, but especially personal nonfiction – you need to be ready to live with the consequences. Some people will take you as you are: a writer trying to make sense and meaning and, oh let's just say it, art of your life. Some won’t, and of those, some will matter to you more than others.
Your husband, who matters to you, brought this up for a reason. Ask him what he’s worried about. Tell him what sharing your work means to you. Maybe he’ll calm down and trust you. Maybe you'll make a deal: you'll never expose his dangly bits without asking him first.
Whatever happens, I wish you good luck with The Sun. I have a feeling that once you've started publishing personal work, both you and your husband will get the hang of it. Wink wink.
Love,
Cartoon Girl
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